Forgiveness

     I have been doing this for almost four months now. I am proud. This past few days, however, have not made me so proud. Yesterday I binged, and today I bounced back...but I didn't feel good about it. I feel like I'm letting the temptations get the best of me lately. WHY?! I have been around the pastries, cookies, and scones for over 100 days now and I was able to resist. Those stupid, calorie laden, stomach ache waiting to happen, binge inducing nightmares were not an issue and now I can't keep my hands off of them! I was really getting down on myself and was planning on writing an angry blog about how weak I am and how I haven't gone to the gym in forever and how I'm backsliding and losing all the motivation and how bad I suck. And then I read my first post again.

    I read the words of hopeful me, positive me, excited me from four months ago. I read about practicing forgiveness and how this was a journey and I was going to stumble but that I knew I could get back up again. I think I lost track of how far I have come since then. How can I be forty one pounds lighter and so much more cynical! I have had a great start to this journey, and I'm having a little hiccup, but it's okay. In four months, I lost forty stinking pounds! Hell ya! Go me! Eat a freaking cupcake and then remember what you're doing and why you're doing it! I am healthier and am taking big steps for the future me. I am still the happy, positive girl that I was a few short months ago, I just forgot.

    I still have mountains to climb in this journey of mine. I will have roadblocks and hiccups, I will eat crappy food that I will later regret. It's okay. I'm okay with that. Do you hear me future self? It's okay. Forgive and forget! Move on! How much farther have you come? I have made some amazing choices that have brought me to this place, if this was easy, everyone would be doing it. It's not easy and it's okay to mess up every now and then! Learn from your mistakes. Don't be starving when the fresh chocolate chips cookies (with a 420 calorie tag) come out of the oven, eat before then. Don't eat "just a bite" thinking that you will be able to stop there, you won't. You'll eat it all and then more. You know you will. Remember why you're doing this. It's going to be okay, and someday you will look back on this blog and think how silly you were being and how far you have come since then.