As I've said before, I suck at binges. I'm not talking "Oops I went to taco bell and accidentally ate forty dollars worth of food." binges, I'm talking "Ate one piece of chocolate and then all I do is stuff my face for the next four months" kind of binges. Today was the first time that I was able to stop one. I am struggling between the place of being mad at myself for giving in to the temptation, and being unbelievably proud that I not only recognized it, but was able to stop it in it's nasty, binge-y tracks!
I didn't even have a "binge" today. My coworker cut up a bunch of chocolate chip cookies for samples at work today. I ate one, thinking that I would indulge my little craving and be done, but ended up stuffing several more in my mouth. I'd say I ended up eating about a half of one of our monstrous cookies, or the equivalent of over 200 calories! As I walked through the cafe, with the creamy chocolate still coating my teeth, I started seeing all the things I had been missing out on these past few months. Fatty pastas called my name, cream based soups begged to have some crusty bread dipped in them and devoured, sugary pastries reminded me what an affair we used to have, and I could feel a crazy, month long, painful, bloating binge coming on.
I took a deep breath, munched a small handful of salty croutons to balance that sweet/salty thing we all love so much, ate a bit of protein to help my hunger, and drank a shit ton of water. When I came home, I ate a little more protein and a larabar, and am now sitting down with my tea to finish my day. I stopped that binge in it's tracks!! I even came in slightly under calories for the day! I can do this, I will be okay.
I have worked to hard to lose everything because of some silly cookie from a freezer! I enjoy the food that I'm eating but I think that I have not been paying close enough attention to what my body is craving. I have been working so much and being busy on my off days so I haven't been allowing myself the indulgence that I need to continue this lifestyle. At first, I was eating lasagna, pizza, and fro yo, while still fitting it into my calories by exercising, but it's been a while since I did that, and my calorie counts have been pretty low as I've been too busy to plan my foods so I just don't eat. I haven't been able to go to the gym, or cook. My next day off is Wednesday so I plan on having a "me" day. I'll hit the gym or hike and plan an awesome dinner for myself, I'm thinking lasagna. I won't give up, I can do this.
No comments:
Post a Comment