Accountability

   I guess you could say that I'm using this outlet to hold myself accountable...and not in the way one might think. I'm doing good with my exercise and eating plan, really well actually (minus the not needed munchies in the evening, which I'm working on). No, the accountability I'm finding here is not dropping back to that place where I have to play for every mistake. It's not beating myself up because I didn't lose the weight I was expecting to lose. I keep trying to remind myself that it's not about the number on the scale, some days I have to say that more than others, but it's here that I'm finding it true. When I stand on my scale and see the numbers, it's not easy to remember the main goal, the big picture.

       Here, I am alone with my thoughts and I'm able to really dissect how I'm feeling and what is causing the negative thoughts. What is it that makes me so down on myself? I used to be so positive but when I see how far I still have to go, it's daunting and easy to backslide. UGHHHHH!!!!!

    But I know I can do it! I am on day 43! No huge binges, no big regrets, I am making progress one day at a time. I tracked my eating in the past year, and this is the longest that I have stuck to it. I've only beat my best record by a day or two, but I beat it! I hiked Cowles Mountain TWICE this week. My muscles are sore and my feet are blistered but I feel awesome about that! That's what it's all about for me right now, I am proud of myself for what I'm doing and I'm doing it for me, not for anyone else