Happy that I'm better at this fitness thing than blogging

    If this blog were a representation of my dedication and motivation in my fitness life, I would be a huge failure. However, I have been kicking ASS in this area. I am motivated and determined, I am rocking it out and eating healthy. I am on day 28 and I am down 19 pounds! I am not crazy, and I understand that the first 8-10 pounds were most likely water weight from the de-bloating that healthy eating brings, but it is still awesome motivation to see the numbers on the scale drop so quickly.
  
    I am spending time evaluating my previous healthy eating attempts and figuring out what went wrong and how I can avoid those mistakes. The first thing I am trying to change is depriving myself. If I don't allow myself to indulge here and there, I WILL binge later when I finally break. The last time I was eating healthy, my boyfriend brought me a box of chocolate. In the span of 15 minutes, I had gone from allowing myself one piece, to eating the whole box.  In the past 28 days, I have had pizza, fro-yo, lasagna, etc and am still fitting that into my daily calories and work out routine. Obviously I am doing it in a smart way and not binging and thinking I can work it off later. So far, so good.

    Another thing that I have been working on is my body image. Too often, I allow the numbers on the scale to dictate my mood and over-all self worth. If they go down, I am motivated, if they go up, I can become depressed and feel the need to deprive myself or immediately head to the gym. I know this sounds borderline eating disorder-ish, but I'm working on it. I am only weighing in once a week (Sunday morning) and also taking my tummy, hips, and leg measurements to more accurately track my progress.

   I am proud and I am strong. I can do this and I will.

Starting Over

       How many times have I done this? I am a crash diet expert. Four years ago I did it, and I did it good. I brought myself from my unhealthy, stoned, binging ways all the way to my weight goal. Now, here I am again, having to start over because I lost all that self control and self worth that I earn with my weight-loss adventure. I can crash diet, and I can do it good. Twenty pounds falls off like it was never there, I hit the gym like a madwoman....and then I eat a piece of chocolate and it all goes to hell.
  This time, I'm going all out. I'm following all the advice, sticking to a plan, blogging about it, having a friend to hold me accountable, and most of all, I will practice forgiveness. I have to learn to forgive myself. I am not perfect. I will mess up in this journey, but I have to forgive and move foreword. I love myself and am ready to show my physical body that I love it enough to fuel it correctly, push it to achieve fitness goals, and that I can do it! This time, it's not about weight-loss, obviously that will come with the rest of it, but this time, I am going for health and fitness.
      I want to eat correctly and integrate exercise into my daily routine. Not only just at the gym, but also to have an active lifestyle. Walking around the neighborhood instead of sitting on the couch, not worrying about getting the closest parking spot, etc. I want to be emotionally healthy as well. I want to have peace with what I do. I want to sleep well without worrying about everything. I am considering meditation or a yoga class to learn to stop, just stop, and focus on me.
   Today is day one. I am confident that I can do this. Here we go!